Re-living 3 years ago...

Today was my pre-admit appointment

I had not been back to The Women's Center at Terrebonne General since the day we so eagerly brought Cade home from the NICU. I thought nothing of this appointment up until today when I turned in the parking lot. I was instantly hit with vivid memories of 3 years ago when every day consisted of going there.

I pulled into that parking lot, circled around for a parking spot, and walked through the same door, and went up to the 2nd floor...For 28 days straight....

I did all those same things today, but never imagined those feelings were still so real. When I walked through the door the smell hit me in the face and immediately took me back. I got nauseous. I walked to the elevator went to the 2nd floor and tried to avoid even looking towards the hall where the NICU door is. The whole time talking to the lady about pre-admitting and listening to hospital procedures and things I had all heard twice before, my mind couldn't help but wonder.

I was standing in the same waiting room where I so often waited for it to be visiting hours to see Cade. Or waited while family members could go in, since only 2 people were allowed in the NICU at a time. Or where I repeatedly read my Mother's Manual prayer book which consisted of different prayers. I would read them relentlessly looking for comfort and peace while my baby was so lifeless and we had no idea why.

The sights, the smells, everything about that place just brought me back. I felt like it was just yesterday I was doing the above. I am so glad that time is over, but there is something about it that is still so real. I am looking forward to a healthy and normal delivery in just a couple months. I have heard from other Moms and hope that it proves right to be very healing to have a smooth delivery. I think much peace will be regained and open wounds will heal.

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Trust the process

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