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Blah!

I have been a wreck lately. October is pretty much here and that much closer to Cade's surgery date...the 25th. The past few days I have put so much thought into things that I have literally made myself sick over it...sick to my stomach. I truly feel like canceling the surgery and just calling it off...and I think I will do that Monday. His circumcision can wait, as well as the minor reconstruction. He has been sick lately with a cold and all the congestion and breathing issues just remind me of how unstable he seems to be put under anesthesia...since he is already at risk. I just have this feeling..it is not good. Part of me says get it done now while he is little and doesn't pay any attention to that thing. But, isn't the respiratory issues more important? Obstructive apnea, respiratory distress, narrow airways, etc...The worrying has been non-stop. I know this won't end anytime soon, but it seems overwhelming. Surely there are more positive things to focus my energy on. Like, how blessed I am to have such a wonderful family and two beautiful boys who are both full of life. Ahh, Better already. I always think of how much worse others have it...and think what the hell am I complaining for? It's true. 

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